I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
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still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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