$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
