Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
