I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
