yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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