Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so let's talk penis.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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