Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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