he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
