I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How does one acquire holy water?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
