like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
