i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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