just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
