They should really pass out barf bags in church
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
