I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you never un-have a 4some
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
