It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
