So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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