I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
