Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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