dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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