u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
