NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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