the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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