Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
