He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
