Michael Bay diarrhea
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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