I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm sobbing to NWA
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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