I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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