I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
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