He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
