I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
