Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
