so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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