honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
