you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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