so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
