i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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