i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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