Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just found puke in my bra..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
