some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dear god my vagina.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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