Yo dont text me then not text me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
