Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
