Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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