hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
