How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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