just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
