just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
