Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
