spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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