i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
