She said her name was "party"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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