Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
