Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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