I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
