I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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