you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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