after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
