oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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