i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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