I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
