her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
