I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
