I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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