You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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