mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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