Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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